Tuesday, December 20, 2005

My Christmas Gift to you all…

Back a couple months ago, when I was still a relative new I thought to myself, "geez, I cannot imagine being here this long as some of the others."

Of course I held great respect for each and ever one of you for sticking around through everything (no easy feat), but I never really imagined I would be one of them. But things have changed a great deal over the last few months. More has happened here than I could ever relate to in one post.

Few of you could understand, I think, but I still urge you to hear me.

The United Form and Unplugged community is and will always be its heart, a community. A community who had it roots in Star Wars, and maintains a spirit of adventure, fantasy, and in many cases a refreshing idealism that can't be found just anywhere.

This community has changed a lot, and while some of the change was good, there was a great deal of bad that came in with that, but this is inevitable. Far to many good people have thrown their hands up and left because of the bad, and while I understand, it's they who have missed out, in my opinion. Because we can whine and complain about the insane spammers and all manner of other things day in and day out but the truth remains that every day something new happens in the United Form and Unplugged community. New people come, new changes are made, and the community grows. And watching the united form and unplugged community grows isn't something I'd miss for the world, frustrating though it can be at times. It's worth all the frustration, because we are greater than the trials that we have endured.

The United Form and Unplugged community changed my life. It might surprise many that I would admit this, since the current societal stereotype is we are not allowed to think of post as anything but pure mindless entertainment. We aren't allowed to regard those we entertain ourselves with as our equals, they are inferiors because we cannot see them. To all of those who have in the past regarded me as inferior because you could not see me, remember I too, cannot nor in many cases ever will, see you.

This animus against interest communities means nothing to me because the United Form and Unplugged community has changed my life in every way. You are welcome to view me as a loser because of this, I do not care, because I know who I am, and I know what this place is and will always be.

10 years ago I was going through some bouts of depression, probably the first real serious depression of my life. It wasn’t life threatening or debilitating or anything, but it was a creeping thing. It was the realization, as I grew and matured that I really didn't belong in the world I was in. For so many years I had dreamed of the Star Wars universe and it came down to the realization that I did this because I didn't much care for my life at home. My only wish was that when I died, somehow God could make it so I was fighting alongside Han Solo, and dueling with Vader. And if that was the case, the sooner God took me, the better!

I knew the Star Wars universe wasn't real, but the truth was, it seemed such a better place to be than this grey, dull, and hopeless world. And so I made a prayer to God, a truly impossible prayer than *I* knew God wouldn't grant, to send me to the Star Wars Universe...and to my utter astonishment, He did!

It was only mere weeks later I stumbled quite by accident on this place. You recognize the place even today. In most everyone knows everyone, and in most cases everyone is a friend to everyone; kindness and welcoming is the attitude of the day, and Star Wars was the bond we all shared, and for which we all respected each other.

I had never in my wildest dreams imagined there was a place like this. I never guessed how not alone I was. I had always felt alone and apart and took comfort in my Star Wars world, but believed it was a world I would never share with anyone. That was until October 2005. There were people here who loved Star Wars and knew as much about it as I do! There were some even who seemed more devoted to the Star Wars than I am! I told my journal the day I found this place "It's like being away from one's family for an entire lifetime, and then suddenly happening on them and coming home."

It wasn't just Star Wars. Star Wars was the bond, sure, but it isn't the only thing I sharing with you today. We are a race apart from the world. We are intelligent, we are imaginative, and creative, and often geeky and shy and hard pressed to make friends or be true to ourselves in public situations. We are sometimes too skinny, sometimes too fat, sometimes with glasses, sometimes with braces, none of us perfect, none of us the jocks and the air headed cheerleaders. We are dark, we are troubled, we are dreamers and schemers and we all want to go far.

I have learned about the world here. And I have learned about myself. I have known great joy, I have known love, I have also known great sorrow and I have known despair. I have met more special individuals than I deserve to have the privilege of knowing, and I have also met my share of demons. But I do cherish the memories that I have made.

My life has been a series of ups and downs. But for the past few months, the United Form and Unplugged community has had a part in every up and every down. I dearly love my old friends, the ones who will never understand why I come here. But they are not my brethren, they do not know me. No group, no community, no nation, nothing has held me as this place has. No place, no people, nothing in my life has given me so many friends, so many memories, so many tears of grief and of joy.

Thank you. Each and every one of you. Thank you for the memories. Thanks for the tears and for the laughs.

Hard has been the road but never for a second would I hesitate to do it all again.

May the New Year bring all of us closer together!

Merry Christmas Everyone!
Dorme/Shira Brie/Kimberly


Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Impressive post

December 20, 2005 6:02 PM  
Blogger Revan said...

Cool blog, you've got a lot of members... Could Darth Revan join? (A.K.A. Me) By the way, Darth Revan was a true sith master who existed almost 4000 years before the battle of naboo...

December 20, 2005 8:45 PM  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

I hope that Star Wars and our community of blogs continues to inspire you in all the right ways.


December 20, 2005 9:57 PM  
Blogger Master Yoda said...

Wow, very touching, Kimberly.

The one thing to remember about depression is that eventually, it ends. Sometimes it takes years to come to an end, an even then it may eventually pop up again for a while.

But it does end. And life is so much better after it does. Hang in there.

December 20, 2005 10:00 PM  
Blogger Jedi Katt said...

*touched* well... Here's warm, I agree and I think, people cannot really leave once they joined cuz everyone here cares another and it's quite rare in the real world *sigh* Perhaps we really need some psychological tutorials

December 21, 2005 1:27 AM  
Blogger General Grievous said...

Wonderful post - it's so true, just because we can't see each other doesn't mean we're not friends and you're not people!

December 21, 2005 4:00 AM  
Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said...

*Very Touched*

Even though I play an evil character on the SW blogging universe, I like to think that I am a nice guy in real life.

I am glad that you are working through your issues and hope that all turns out well for you. I have been there with bouts of depressions for various external reasons in my life as well, so I can relate.

Relax, enjoy, and have fun. That's what it's all about...

December 21, 2005 3:32 PM  
Blogger Jango Fett said...

I agree this is a great post. Brings all the people who make star wars blogs together

December 21, 2005 5:40 PM  
Blogger Noel of Neptonian said...

Very nice.

And I too enjoy coming here every night to read all of your post.

Being Noel is like a dream come true (literally, Noel started as a dream).

I would have never imagined that there was a place I could share my dream, and have Noel come to life.

And even though we live all over the world, I still consider each and everyone of you my friend.

And all this is due to one thing we all have have in common, We like Star Wars and we found this blog.

I want to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

December 23, 2005 5:06 AM  
Blogger jedisiri said...

yeah I got the same feeling too! *hug*

December 24, 2005 5:11 AM  
Blogger Shaak Ti said...

*Touched in a not bad way*

Usually I would end up saying something stupid and off topic, but this time I can't! I am glad I helped in making your life better. I am glad we all could. Yoda/bill helped most with this blog and took over for me, so thanks bill!


December 26, 2005 1:40 AM  

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